Premarital sex is a profanity to most of us. It is even considered as blasphemous. Many times people say that it’s quite right to wait for sex until marriage. It’s a sign of wisdom and maturity and self-respect. I agree with that. But I oppose to the undertone that those who engage themselves in premarital sex are immature, unwise and don’t have self-respect. Everybody has his own opinion and choice about this and only for the reason that your choice and decision are in discordance with that of mine doesn’t make you inferior or superior.
Let us discuss some points to make my views clearer to you. The first and foremost question which rise in our minds about premarital sex is morality.
Is premarital sex moral or ethical?
Morality though has an entwined relation with ethics, both are not exactly the same. People have strong age-old beliefs about right and wrong. Though these may vary from person to person or country to country but the basics are same. In this case it is actually the factor to choose between having premarital sex or not. Does it look inviting to you? These days many films and serials are delivering the message that there’s nothing wrong to it. Liberalization is in the air. My point is, if you find it in accordance to your inner voice or conscience, go for it. But don’t succumb to lust to obtain momentary pleasure from sex. Because that will make you unhappy and repentant at the end of the day. If you love your partner and want to express that love by physical intimacy from your deep heart’s core, if both of you are equally willing to establish that physical relation, there’s nothing wrong in it. After all, love is a divine feeling and sex between two persons very much in love is the most beautiful and natural thing.
Is premarital sex safe for everyone? physically and emotionally?
This is another vital point and needs clarification. It goes without saying that whether premarital or marital, having sex is not safe for children. A legal age limit is there in our country (18 years) and that should be obeyed. In case of adults, having safe and protected sex is very much important. To make my point clearer, premarital sex is not synonymous to casual sex relation or one-night-stand. Those are not germane to my discussion because I find those relations without any string. They are not ultimate culmination of love but mere lust and desire.
Emotionally speaking, as I’ve already said, you should be clear to your morality and conscience. Enslaving yourself to your momentary desire can be disastrous and may result in guilt, embarrassment, tension and mental pressure. Sex has so much effect on our emotions and it is wise to ponder over your decision before making the final choice.
Premarital sex and Indian culture
It is a general and widely accepted view that the concept of premarital sex is largely an effect of Western culture. But our epics and mythology have numerous examples of premarital sex. According to Hindu scriptures the five most revered women called Pancha Kanya or Mahasatis (Sati means righteous women) are Ahalya, Draupadi, Kunti, Tara and Mondodari. But surprisingly enough, from a puritanical standpoint none of them can be considered as ‘good’ women and they do had premarital or extramarital sex relationship and multiple coital partners. Our ancestors were wise enough to understand the eternal relationship of love and sex. They never insist to give extra-priority on sex. It was a natural instinct for them, a part of life.
A Sanskrit ‘shloka‘ goes as follows:
Ahalya Draupadi Kunti Tara Mandodari tatha
panchakanya svaranityam mahapataka nashaka
“Remembering the five greatest virgins
Ahalya, Draupadi, Kunti, Tara and Mandodari
Destroys the greatest sins.”
The wonderful erotic sculptures of the temples of Khajuraho and Konark also echo the same truths, that sex is eternal and natural when there is love. Whether it’s premarital or not was not the issue, at least in those days.
The ‘tantric’ cult is one step ahead on this. It explores the possibility of achieving God through sex, establishing the connection between sex and spirituality.
So, premarital sex is not an occidental thing.
Having all said and discussed I would like to sum up my views in this way, that, having premarital sex or not doesn’t make you a bad or good human being. It’s more important that whether you’re in love with that person while having sex. Whether you’ve mutual trust and respect for the relationship. Respecting and loving your partner is the vital part of any healthy relationship and in any circumstances sexual relation should NOT be created against someone’s will. The difference between LOVE and LUST is subtle and we must learn to recognize TRUE LOVE. It’s important to transcend truthfully from lust to love, to find one’s true love. I consider loveless sex, be it marital or premarital, monstrous and immoral.
Last but not the least, Poonaam Uppal and her journey from ‘Designer to Divine’ is an enthralling story and a passionate gospel of true love which she has wonderfully penned in her book A Passionaate Gospel of True Love. I’m thankful to her for giving us a chance to express our views on this controversial and debatable topic. Waiting eagerly to go through her book.
This post is written as an entry for the contest Yes or No to Pre-marital Sex in association with Poonaam Uppal’s True Love- A Passionaate Gospel of Love Story and Indiblogger